Karl's Random Rambling.

This is the car that I bought to keep us mobile while the X reg was being rebuilt post-ECU failure. It’s an M reg MK3 3 door, with the C14SE 1.4 engine and multipoint injection system.

It cost £500ish from a back street dodgy dealer, who sold cars as “spares or repair”. It certainly is that. He sold it with a 12 month MOT. Here’s what I can find wrong with it so far:

• It’s had a front prang, resulting in a headlamp with broken mounts and an indicator held in with glue
• One tyre was so badly degraded it came apart in the tyre shop.
• The autobox had no fluid in it.
• The airfilter was missing, and the trunking was split hugely
• The brakes are shocking. The pedal goes to the floor.
• The steering is like trying to park a supertanker (it has PAS!)
• The exhaust roars at anything above quarter throttle
• The further you push the throttle down, the slower it goes. Pulling off doesn’t happen, top speed is 50mph on a good day. Hills it won’t do.
• Fuel economy doesn’t happen. I’d guess at 20mpg tops.
• You can floor the throttle in drive, and nothing happens for 10 seconds or so.
• instrument lights don’t work
• The battery and connections were so corroded that bits broke off
• The exhaust sections are held together by bolts with no nuts, ceramic cement and cable ties
• Several bolts were missing from the exhaust manifold, so it wasn’t being held to the head very well.
• Some brake pipes were “replaced”. To me, it looks like awful copper spaghetti
• Thermostat’s dead. Fscking typical – same fix as the Z16SE for that!

Updated list, August 2010

• Front brake discs severely worn and ridged, screw fixing discs to hubs missing.
• Rear brake drums ridged quite badly, again retaining screws missing
• HOWEVER, this is quite amusing..it has NEW brake pads. Great, but useless on dead brakes!
• Battery is now dead, or engine has lost the will to turn over

Hmm. Intake fail.

Ahahaha, shite. It disintegrated when poked.

Air filter? What bloody filter? don’t even ask about the state of the throttle body.

A C14SE that runs well, all things considered. 67000 miles on that. Why doesn’t the power reach the wheels yet? God knows.

It started well, it runs OK..it drives like a dog, and it stops – eventually. I’ve retired it now the X reg is back. It’s currently sat on ramps waiting for me get stuck into it and try to find out why it doesn’t run properly.

I got all the spiel about “excellent car” etc etc, and I had to laugh. It’s an epic shitheap, but that’s OK…I needed it to run, roll and stop, it managed that. It’s since lost the stopping ability, but..it took me back to my first couple of £200 cars and how driving an old crate can be challenging, cringeworthy, but also downright funny on occasion!

Driving it home through wellington, at night, with AC/DC blasting out the radio and the windows down, doing 30 and knowing that it won’t go much faster…added to the “Mutant” bootlid sticker..priceless. I don’t think I’ve had a laugh like that in a while..